Navigating Valentine’s Day after the Death of a Loved One

Valentine’s Day is the official day when love is celebrated. This can be a lonely and painful day for those who have lost a loved one. We have no sooner made it through the holidays of Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years when we are faced with images of hearts, flowers and cupids, all of them in celebration of Valentine’s Day. For many there is not celebration of Love, there is only grief and the reminder of the absence of our Valentine.

The way you choose to celebrate Valentine’s Day will be as individual as the relationship you had with your loved one. Choose how you wish to commemorate your loved one and to celebrate your love for them. Death my have ended a life but it does not end the love we have for our loved one who has died. Modify the ideas below according to your own needs and desires. Create your own rituals to honor that love. 

Ways to Celebrate Your Love on Valentine’s Day

• Plan in Advance. Realize that this time period will likely be difficult. Talk with family/friends about how you would like to spend this time. Don’t be shy in asking for help. Follow up with those that have offered to help. Many times people want to help but may need direction from you as to how to do that.

• Be gentle with yourself. There is no right way to negotiate this time.

• Share with others who may also have lost their Valentine (friends and/or family. If you preference anonymity, share feelings and get support through an on-line forum).

• Connect with friends and family. Send a card to someone you care about. Let those you know that you love them. Reach out to others in your life that may also need extra love and support.

• Journal about the feelings you have about this time, about the feelings you have as you pass through the journey of grief.

• Write a note to the person you have lost, letting them know how you are feeling.

• Have a ceremony to honor the life of your loved one and your life together.

• Plant a tree, bush or garden as a memorial to your loved one. Mark the site with a memorial plaque, statue or marker.

• Volunteer at a local food bank, shelter or agency that needs help. Doing something to help others often helps to ease pain and depression

There are many opportunities for us to honor our loved one at these specific occasions during the year (Mother’s Day, anniversary, birthday, etc.). We can choose to wrap ourselves in the healing power of remembrance. We can go to a special place, listen to our favorite music while reviewing pictures of our time together, light a candle in honor of our love, write a love note, poem or prayer to our beloved. 

While deep sadness may well be a part of your Valentine’s experience, take steps to connect with your feelings, celebrate your time together, reconnect with others and give of yourself if you are able. Be loving to yourself. All of these steps will help to keep you on the path of healing.

This year, find a way to honor your loved one, to remember them and to demonstrate to yourself and others, that love is eternal. 

By: Lee-Anne Godfrey, RN, BsN. E-Mail

Lee-Anne is a Registered Nurse specialized in the area of Hospice, Dementia and End of Life Care.